can you love me when I'm possessed?
pms in nine parts
Extra Honey is a weekly newsletter of sweet and sticky sentiments concerning modern life in the form of poems, stream of consciousness prose and short essays. Thank you for reading, liking and sharing with your friends <3
DO. NOT. TOUCH. ME. or smack your lips or breathe through your mouth or even look in my direction. I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD.
My brain is fighting with my body. My guts have seized. My face is blotchy. Life itself feels like a war waged against me. And I’ve done everything wrong. And it’s all my fault. And I can’t do this anymore. You might as well just leave me and my big fat stomach and my ugly fucking face. I’m so cruel. I’m so mean. You probably hate me!
I’m too tired to function.
I wake up in a sweat. I press the cotton of your tshirt between my breasts to soak up the moisture. I feel like a stranger in our room and in my body. Our home feels foreign. Death looms. Someday I will cease to exist. Maybe the end feels just like this. Stale air. Trapped body heat. Ringing in my ears. I could wake you up but even you feel like a stranger. A stranger who needs sleep.
Ughhghhhhghghghskdjflkjldkjsf;lsjdflkjflsjfsljfs;lkjd;fj
Hold me. I just need to be held. Or I’ll melt right here into a puddle. I am the kid who dropped their ice cream cone on the sidewalk, face squinched, lip quivering, ready to sob in defeat. And I am the ice cream. Victim to the sun’s heat. Melting. Melting. Melting.
Oooh ice cream sounds good! Can we get double chocolate brownie and eat it on the couch in our comfies?
Big sigh. There is so much pain in this life. And so many small pleasures. Every month I die and am reborn. Every month, my womb fails to capture and hold and create a life. Not that I want to be a mother. At least not now. Maybe not ever. It’s just sometimes it feels like biology takes over me. This body. Am I only a vessel? I have made a home and I have let that home burn down in bloody flames. Again and again. Over and over. A great disappointment. An even greater relief!
I’m possessed by my hormones. By god herself. Can you still love me?
Thank you for reading! I can’t stop listening to this song. Let me know what you think and I will see you next week <3
this is so real
possession is THE word. i feel im going to lose my partner, the absolute love and dream of my life, because of this monthly demonic possession. feeling so alien and outside my body. where am i? where do i go? i am not her.
thanks for capturing this.