I don’t know if it’s my place to share words about someone I knew for such a short amount of time, but nothing seems important to say at this time besides honoring this person in some small way.
One of my best friends and old coworkers, Xiomara, called me last week to let me know about the passing of Joshua Ulmer, the Pastry Chef of the Casamata Restaurant Group.
I worked for Josh last Summer at Damian in downtown LA before deciding to retire from restaurants altogether. I didn’t know him for long, but during that time, I learned that he was incredibly talented, kind and wise. If one cook went down during service, he took it as his and all of our responsibility to pick that person back up.
Every once in a while, he would would crack a joke or playfully side eye a cook or let out a boisterous laugh, but most of all, he was a strong and passionate leader. His desserts were nostalgic, simple and elegantly composed with an ode to traditional Mexican ingredients and delicately complex flavors like hoja santa soft serve inspired by a Coney Island ice cream cone.
When I decided to quit, I felt so guilty. I had told him that it was my intention to work at Damian long term, but I only lasted a little over a month. I tried to bail out cowardly, over email, but he insisted we sit down to talk.
I told him my heart just wasn’t in restaurants anymore. I told him, “It’s not fair to you and the team that I show up everyday and can’t give my best.”
“It’s not fair to yourself,” he responded. His only concern was that he hadn’t done anything to make me want to leave.
The truth is, he had. I saw how much he cared. How much he loved the work even on a hard day. How much that place meant to him. His colleagues were his family, his creations a manifestation of his passion. I saw something in him that I no longer saw in myself and so I knew it was time for me to move on, not out of the bitter resentment I had acquired for the industry over the years, but out of the desire to feel the way he did about something again.
One night the fans stopped working and the kitchen was almost 100 degrees and full of smoke during a busy dinner service. He stood holding a plug-in fan above the grill to give the cooks some relief. He offered for me to go home and to take my place on the line. Working in a kitchen often feels like being in a war zone, but not everyone has the heart to go to battle like he did.
I wish I had known him better. I wish I knew who he was outside of the kitchen as I don’t think any person can be defined solely by the work that they did. But I could tell, even in that environment, he was someone worth knowing. My heart breaks for his family and friends and anyone who had the pleasure of working with him or knowing him or trying his desserts.
He was young. His future was promising as he had already accomplished so much, becoming the executive pastry chef of a world renowned restaurant group in his mid twenties.
Death is never easy. It reminds us that there are no guarantees. The best we can do is show up everyday and give our best to the people and the things that we love - to be grateful for all that we have, to be true to ourselves.
I was told that Josh’s favorite charity was No Kid Hungry. If you feel moved to honor his life, consider making a donation to the organization or if you’re in the LA area, consider eating out at Damian, where you can still try his desserts.
I’m in tears, again and again… he was just the best pastry chef ever!! He will live forever in our hearts ❤️ thank you for your beautiful words.
Blanca
Jenny, thank you for your words. This story is beautifully painted and will live forever in our memories.
Abrazo,
Brigitte