I'm rooting for you

one big lesson from sharing my art online

One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned as a result of sharing my art online is that there are always people rooting for me. And if you’re thinking, okay that’s a little conceited, just hear me out.

My posts might not get thousands of likes (except for this one time, which was crazy). And I might not have millions of followers. But there’s always one or two people who seem genuinely excited about what I’m working on. They’re hearting my stories and buying my merch and sending me sweet messages. And I don’t think that’s because my work is any more special than anyone else’s. I think they’re just kind people that see that I’m trying. They see what’s in my heart.

When I first started noticing this, it was almost strictly people I know in real life. My mom. My besties. My boyfriend. But slowly overtime, it has grown to internet friends too. I could cry. It means so much to me!

The funny thing is, I really didn’t think anyone gave a shit about my art for most of my life (even though they obviously did!). For the longest time, I refused to see it. When I shared a recipe or wrote an essay on my very first food blog, I thought, my mom just supports me because she’s my mom (as if everyone is blessed with a supportive mom!!). I thought, sure a couple friends might like my posts, but that doesn’t mean anyone important or cool thinks I’m worth their time (as if my friends aren’t the coolest most important people I know!!).

The point is, I was so convinced that I was unlovable that I refused to see the support even when it was right in front of my face. I was so obsessed with the idea that I was not good enough and would never make it big, I did everything I could to find proof that was true. I couldn’t see that even in that very flawed and unconfident state, I was already so loved.

The “cool kids” I was so desperate to seek approval from, the ones who ignored me or didn’t seem interested in what I had to say, are just not my people (and they’re probably not even that cool tbh). And if it takes me having a massive following or some kind of superficial proof of worthiness for them to pay attention to me, then I don’t want that attention anyways. I know that’s kind of a cliché thing to say, but I really mean it. If you don’t fuck with me, then you don’t see what my besties see and we’re just not meant to be on the same path.

I’m not sure exactly what changed. Maybe I just naturally grew out of that phase or maybe all the self help books and podcasts finally paid off. Regardless, I am so glad that I can see now that my people are already here. And they have been here. And more of them are on the way.

This change in perspective has not only helped me overcome my own fears around showing up publicly and promoting my work, but it has also helped me foster more love for myself. So even if I get absolutely zero validation for something I put out into the world, I can give myself a pat on the back and say, you really tried babygirl.

It’s also changed the way I view the people around me. There was a time when I felt really jealous of other creative’s success. I thought why not me. I saw my smallness in their grandeur. I saw my failure in their triumph. In other words, I was making it all about me. I didn’t feel like there was enough to go around. I hadn’t yet learned that seeing is believing. I didn’t yet know that they were shining a light on my greatest desires for the future. I just saw that I wasn’t good enough to have what they have, so I refused to give them their moment or buy into any kind of hype.

Obviously, I’m not perfect. I still have my bad days. I get jealous and self conscious and post and delete and repost and get all up in my head. But for the most part, I know now that you’re rooting for me. At least one or two of you (maybe more!).

Anyways, the reason I’m telling you this is because I want you to know, I’m rooting for you too!!

I want to read your blog. I want to buy your merch. I want to try that recipe you’ve been working on. I want to go to your dinner. I want to buy a piece from your vintage collection. I want to read your book. I want to hang your painting on my wall. I want to learn from you. I might not always have the capacity in my own chaos to show up in the way I want to or even the way you deserve. But even if I’m not there physically, in my heart, I’m cheering you on. (Assuming that if you’re reading this you likely do fuck with me and we are meant to be in each other’s worlds).

I want to be that kind of friend because the support I’ve received from just a couple people who care about me is the reason I have felt empowered to have a voice at all.

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Love y’all. See you next time <3